Sorry this has taken so long. It’s getting harder and harder to write about this.
This will be the last post we write before Noah is born.

We have had several very tough appointments in the past few weeks.

We first had another ultrasound two weeks ago (Nov 2nd) where we were told that Noah is not getting better and the doctors are fairly convinced he will not live long after birth.

We had a session with a friend and counselor for some guidance that same day. It was very helpful and good, but also very difficult for us to swallow. His advice was to plan for what the doctors are saying the outcome will be, but continue to pray for God to heal. There was a little bit of freedom in that, not having to be torn between the consistent prognosis from the doctors and trying to ignore what they are saying and hold on to hope that God will heal our son. It’s not that our hope is completely gone or that we don’t believe that God can heal Noah, but we have a plan and a path. And that plan and path is so much harder than we expected. While our trust is still completely in God and believe He can heal our son, we are preparing our hearts for Noah to not survive long after birth.

Tuesday, November 8th (Election Day) we had a conference with specialists, neonatologists, a genetic counselor, Steph’s OB/GYN and our parents. Information was revealed that we were not fully aware of. The hardest thing we heard was that Noah has multiple fractures in his arms, legs, and ribs and is feeling “discomfort” (as the doctor put it). His bones are very fragile and because of that there is a lot of things that they will not be able to do, like chest compressions because it would crush his ribs. The plan is to have a C-section to minimize bone fractures and then try to determine how Noah is actually doing and manage his pain from the fractures and his struggle to breathe.

Wednesday, November 9th, we met with Steph’s OB/GYN who helped us understand things a little more. Noah’s ribs, lungs, arms and legs had stopped growing around the 15-16 week mark and a baby with lungs that underdeveloped with no other issues would not be able to survive….

The plan is to allow us to spend as much time as possible with him while still having the doctors do all that they can.

The C-Section is scheduled for 7:15am on Monday, December 12th.

If Noah is able to breathe on his own, then he will spend a long time (as in months) in the NICU at Children’s Hospital.

Aside from a complete and full miracle from the Lord, it’s going to be a long and hard road ahead for Steph and I.

Again, we have not given up hope of healing. We are simply watching what the Lord is doing or not doing and moving in that direction. If He starts to change Noah’s condition, then we will move in that direction. It is so difficult and many many tears have been cried so far, but we continue to do our best to put our trust in Him.

There have been moments of amazing grace through this whole thing though. On Saturday, the 12th, I was feeling frustrated and I was feeling so alone. Feeling like no one understands what I am going through. I know that is not true. I know there are people who have gone through very similar things, but I was in a rough place. As I started to run through the songs for service, I got to How Deep The Father’s Love. I started to sing the first verse,

How deep the Father’s love for us,
How vast beyond all measure,
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure.
How great the pain of searing loss –
The Father turns His face away,
As wounds which mar the Chosen One
Bring many sons to glory.

As I started to sing through that verse, God the Father said to me, “I understand… and I love you.”

It wrecked me. I was undone. I had always looked at the coming of Christ and His death on the cross through the lens of Jesus’ perspective or those around Him. I hadn’t really considered it from God the Father’s view. It was the first time I really really really felt His loving arms wrap around me and just hold me in peace.

So thankful for His grace and love.

I can’t thank you all enough for your prayers and support through all of this. Your kindness and compassion has been life giving to my wife and I. Thank you for being the body of Christ to us and showing us first hand what it means to be apart of the family of God.